120 Minutes

To some people, 120 minutes spent walking is nothing.  I see them walking around the mall the entire day, around the zoo, for their job (mailmen!), and in other places.  They go about their walk with quiet, nonchalant looks on their faces as if it's nothing.  To them, I'm sure that's exactly how it feels...like nothing.

To me, 120 minutes spent walking is everything!  My better half and I went on a walking tour of Arrowhead Stadium (pro-football) and we walked for over 120 minutes without sitting down very often.  From time to time, we had a minute break but it wasn't really needed.  We just walked and walked and listened and enjoyed the time.  About an hour through, I leaned over and told him, "I'm thrilled to be able to say that my feet aren't hurting and I'm having a fantastic time!"  So there I was going about my walk with this goofy, yet thrilled grin on my face as if it's everything. Because to me, I'm sure that's exactly how it felt, like everything.

Conversations with Myself

Tonight was weigh-in and I lost 3.8lbs.  That's a total of 45lbs gone.  I haven't weighed less than 350lbs in the last 17 years.  It feels exceptionally strange to say my current weight.  So much so that most of the evening I've been conversing with myself about it...

I weigh 347lbs.  
Are you sure?  
I think I'm sure.
The scale said so.
Well don't screw it up this week.
Honestly, I hope I don't as it's not in the plan for me.
You weigh 347lbs?
I weigh 347lbs.
Are you sure you didn't transpose a number?
I'm sure. 
Well how cool is that?!

Blinders On... Keep Moving...

Never truer words spoken than those above!  I'm going to come clean about something here and even though I don't want to, I'm going to face it down, admit it and move on. 

We went to the grocery store tonight (after our workout) and  picked up groceries for the coming week.  All was good throughout the fruit & veg section and into the main aisles of the store.  But as we were coming to the end of our trip, we had to get some milk.  The milk is next to the donuts, cookies, pies, cakes, chips, and dip.  Wonderful product placement, thanks.  I really appreciate it.  *eye roll*

There was a moment tonight though, where I lingered to long, thinking just a "what if" thought while picking up the milk.  What if I just have one slice of cake to take home with me?  What if we just get one package of cookies, they're on sale?  What if we get Doritos this week instead of pretzels?  What if we just grab some donuts for tomorrow?  It'll be a treat.  And then I thought - What if you stop with these stupid thoughts and keep walking?   So I did.  

When we were on our way home (hubster went too), I decided to confess my thoughts to him.  He admitted that he was feeling the same way.  I was so happy to hear that because it means that I'm not a total loser and we both have weak moments.  But in our weak moments, we didn't give up.  And because we didn't give up on ourselves, we didn't sabotage the other one.  That in itself is just an amazing moment on this path.

I'm not gloating or bragging about tonight, but I am rejoicing loudly because for the first time in my life, I used discipline on myself.  And it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.  But now I wonder in what other ways I can put it to use.

Intimidated Much? Why yes I am.

So yeah, we joined the YMCA this week.  Even though it's not convenient, we're in town at least 3 times a week and can put it to some use.  Plus we split the cost with our kids and it knocked the fee way down.  But that's not what this post is about, oh no.  This post is about our first visit as members.

It's been ridiculously hot here, to hot to walk outside even at 5am or 8pm.  The heat is one thing, but the humidity just swallows a person up.  Last Friday, I signed us up at the Y and we decided to go walk the track last night.   I'm the kind of person who hates to eat at a crowded restaurant and just the thought of shopping at the mall during the Christmas season sends me into panic mode.

When we pulled into the Y parking lot last night, I froze.  And Mr. Fearless (the duo betterhalf) was in the same frame of mind.  One look at the parking lot (near capacity) was enough to make us almost rethink our decision to exercise.  I looked at him, he looked at me, we looked at the lot (which looked almost identical to the one above) and neither of us wanted to be the one to say "let's go home" even though we were both thinking it.  That was intimidating because we had no clue if it was that busy with people getting their move on or what. Then for some stupid reason, I said (ME? Me!  Hello something is wrong here) "let's just go on in, it's the reason we came to town."  I think Carl about fell over in the seat from shock because he knows I run at the first crowd sighting. 

We went in and found mass pandemonium.  Apparently they were signing kids up for JV football and they were holding a parents meeting that evening.  WHEW... that's all it was.  So we climbed the stairs and walked the track (1mile +2laps for me & 2 miles for Carl) as the noise in the gym down below was thunderous.  I felt very strange walking above those people because for 3/4 of a lap, they could watch me.  But eh, who cares, I'm not there to impress anyone I just want to live longer.  But you know, we did it.

~Kathie

Explosion Redo.

 A Life of Aggravation & Disgust...Such Pride to Carry
When I weighed in last night and realized I'd lost only .08lb, I was ticked.  It was the second weigh in and I worked my butt off!  I seriously did not cheat once.  I exercised.  I journaled.  I ate healthy food.  I didn't lose what I thought I should.  I blew up because of it.  I acted like an indignant pompous ass.

A Pattern of Life in Change
Honestly, I think I've acted like that for most of my adult life when it comes to weight loss.  If it didn't pour off, then something is wrong.  Give up, move on, eat junk and live!  Translate that last part to lay down, stay home and die slowly.  Wonder how much pride like that weighs?  I realize it's been holding me down for a long long time.


RE-EDUCATING MYSELF: A New Life of Grace & Compassion...Such Love Shines Through
When I weighed in last night and realized I'd lost only .08lb, I was happy with it .  It was the second weigh in and I worked my butt off this past week!  I seriously did not cheat once.  I exercised.  I journaled.  I ate healthy food.  I didn't lose what I thought I should, but I still lost weight this week. Good job!