W1-D3 : I have been a spoiled little brat...

Give me the food...

Reading todays entry really opened a floodgate in my mind.  It says "My struggle with overeating is really a control issue.  I just want to say, Nobody is going to tell me what to do!"  That is exactly how I feel!  That little girl in the picture above is me... and that has got to be the view from God's eyes when we're talking about food or exercise or reading my Bible...and that's just off the top of my head.

I'm not even kidding, the more I look at that picture, the bigger of a headache I get.  I can just see the meanness, hear the shreiking, envision the body movements and feel the repulsion that I would have if she was in front of me now.  And I think I would probably be thinking, "I'm not going to deal with her never again."

And then as I continued reading in my book, it said "nobody really loves feeling out of control.  This is true.  I don't like it.  I like peacefulness...and when I feel peaceful, I feel truthful.  Again with the lies...

So here I sit today, thinking clearly about that little girl.  One filled with such intense emotions when she wants her way with food...loved no matter what by her Father.  But it's time to grow up and get over it.  Put on the big girl panties and deal with life... no more acting out.  A child who acts out like that is feeling powerless.  Feels that they are only able to control the situation by screaming and acting ridiculously. 

There are a few things that I am powerless over in my life...

• the death of my father when I was 8
• being sent to weight watchers when I was 10
• going back in time and being serious about weightloss
• lost time with my family because I was to fat to do things
• living as long as I want to

But I do have the power to relinquish control over food and live longer than it's going now.  I don't have to act out and get my way.  I'm not beating anyone out of something, I'm not winning any battle... in the end I lose.

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." ~Galatians 2:20

There is a tremendous joy in trusting my life to a loving God.  It's time to find that.

Work through me, Lord, in every part of life. To you be all the glory. Amen!

_______________________

Today's Scripture:Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.  ~James 4:10

Goals:Weightloss 25lbs by Christmas : Weight 390 to 365

Calorie Bank: 1700

Exercise: Walking 20 minutes 3x week - Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday

Exercise Tape: 1x week - Wednesday

Bible Reading: 20 minutes 3x week - Monday, Friday, Sunday