W1-D4 : I understand if you don't talk to me...

Try as I might, I cannot become inconspicuous in a crowd.

 

I've only seen a flock of seagulls once in my life.  We visited my brother in law in Myrtle Beach for a few days late in October. The weather was warm, the beach was deserted and we could do most anything without fighting a crowd.  The town was empty, many places were closed, locals stayed home because it was a cold day (70°) to them.  The waves, the seagulls, the boat horns...it was so loud, but overwhelmingly serene.

I remember looking down the grandstand as we were standing on the pier...hotels as far as the eye could see and only a handful of people more than a 1/2 mile away.  And it hit me..I felt so uncomfortable, so out of place...awkward.  I stood out because there was no one to hide amongst.  I wanted to be lost in the crowd, hidden in plain sight and it wasn't going to happen. 

Today's reading talks about the outer shell of the woman and I admit, I've never been that type of girl.  An example, "I spend tremendous time and energy on my exterior...I anguish over dress size, hairdo, makeup and wardrobe."  That's just not me.  I always felt that would draw attention to me and heaven forbid I do that.   But.. I realized I do the very same thing, just in a different manner.  Where some try hard to look their best, I try hard to blend as best I can like the seagulls in the picture above.  Not a single one stands out from the others no matter how hard you look. 

But the book goes on to share, 1 Sam. 16:7, "The LORD does not look at the things people look at.  People look at outward appearance, the but LORD looks at the heart."  No matter what I try to do outwardly, it's not going to make a difference with the One who knows me best because he knows my heart...and I really needed that reminder, to know that He sees me as the one He designed me to be. 

Giving up my selfish attitudes (from food control to hiding in crowds) can only open my mind to be more receptive of what the next step is. I said I'm ready to be rebuilt from the inside out and I know the process isn't a fast one.  The more I write, the more I realize this whole thing isn't about being overweight.  It's my personality, my motives, my needs...my life.. that I've made less all because of a three digit number.  Talk about idolatry.

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." ~Galatians 2:20

 

Work through me, Lord, in every part of life. To you be all the glory. Amen!

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Scripture for today: But the LORD said to Samuel, "Don't look at how handsome Eliab is or how tall he is, because I have not chosen him.  God does not see the same way people see.  People look at the ouside of a person, but the LORD looks at the heart."  ~1 Samuel 16:7